Apologies

I just want to take a moment to apologize.

I’m sorry for being lazy. I’m sorry for feeling like time isn’t worth being spent. I’m sorry for forgetting about God. I’m sorry for thinking that being sorry doesn’t matter.

I apologize for just thinking about food and sleep and getting by. I’m sorry for neglecting my relationships and responsibilities I had all along.

I apologize for feeling resentment and jealousy towards those who seem to have it all more figured out than I do. I’m sorry that I just ate 3-5 handfuls of mini M&Ms that were just sitting on the counter, and although I don’t know who their proper owner was, I know it wasn’t me.

I’m sorry for abandoning a number of people who deserve attention and love. I’m sorry for essential becoming vacuumed into myself and being blind to everything outside of me. I even feel the need to apologize to the person I was 6 months ago for about-facing and walking the other way for a few miles.

I’m sorry for taking so much and giving so little.

I’m sorry if this essentially sounds nonsensical.

____

These verses come from the Sidney Psalter, a versification of biblical psalms from the 16th century. Psalm 6 is a penitential psalm.

Psalm 6: Domine Ne in Furore

Lord, let not me, a worm, by thee be shent,

While thou art in the heat of thy displeasure;

Not let thy rage, of my due punishment

Become the measure.

But mercy, Lord, let mercy descend,

For I am weak, and in my weakness languish:

Lord, help, for ev’n my bones their marrow spend

With cruel anguish.

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One thought on “Apologies

  1. An adage comes to mind: This too shall pass. Hang in there, Charlie.

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